Angst

*This is just a poem. It does not reflect any part of my life right now.

why is it that we fall in love
is it a dictum from god above?
we try and we fail coz we don’t know how
to fall in love, to stay in love

love is one of the most selfish of feelings
it is only you who matters in all its dealings
‘i want her to be happy’ is all you seek
don’t be a fool; you want her to keep

mistakes are successes turned inside out
the joy in pain they say
another fool ; another story in vain
we spend so much time and energy to say
I want you to go though I need you to stay

wanting and having are two brothers in fate
one hardly exists when the other stays
to want what you have or to have what you want
which is better ? well both I say.

happiness is a fickle being
it’s a poison in truth , a circus mirror not worth seeing
it distorts truth to what we want to see
for once you have it, you can never cease to need it
and it’s not sadness which gets us
but happiness without.

so why is it we repeat this old charade
it’s a new chapter but the old words never fade
to seek a hope that never was
and to find it is but a futile cause.

I ve been here before; there is a trend
I know in time my heart will mend
But I still know not where I belong
I still ache, to know my song.

TWENTEEN

Name: R. Harish

Age: 20

Age believed to be: 19

Number of people duped into believing so: 24

Joblessness Quotient: 15/10

I am unofficially 20. Officially I don’t exist.

I am 20 now. I don’t feel any different.  I still feel 19. Maybe thats the difference. I used to feel 18.

Had a fabulous birthday. Had the right mix of everything.

The day kicked off with the usual 12:00 am calls from normal people and 1:23 am call from Yogi(with a “oops! you fell asleep.”).

Went over to my cousins place in the morning to do the ‘community service’ bit. Slighta forgot to tell my grandfather who lives there that it was my birthday. So on reaching home was forced (by mom) to call him up and let him know. It was easily the weirdest conversation I have ever had. He is 84 and he told me later it was the weirdest conversation he had ever had.

Then made plans to go over to Santhans at 11:30  and watch a movie with Sai. Also made plans to be spend the afternoon at Apars’ with a HIMYM marathon. My mom needless to say had no idea about this. Aravind had called her the day before to make sure that she would make sure that I would stay at home. So my mom had to use her considerable ingenuity to make me stay. But I guessed something was up and during the course of a conversation with Aravind slighta told him about my suspicions(it never enered my head that it could be him). In all fairness to him, he sounded adequately surprised.

So then came the cake with the people who got it. It was fabulous. As were they.

It was awesome to see everyone again and needless to say I was slighta hyper the whole time. A fabulous afternoon it was. My apologies to Santhan and Apar who enquired politely when the bleep I was gonna turn up. I never did.

Spent the evening doing more community service and the night playing with my nephew(sigh).

It was a fabulous birthday and I thank you for making it so.

A Walk To Remember

It was an interesting weekend. It all started with a weird conversation with Dave(pronounced the-way to the uninitiated). I learnt he never believes people because my cousin bought a new phone. I am not even going to pretend to try and understand that.

Then the walk happened. Naren came, saw and bolted. After coming late, the bird, the zombie and the guru-to-be left early leaving Hari and me to fend for ourselves. We braved great perils and made it to the beach to find that not only were we not lauded for making it, we were subjected to sounds like ‘late’ and something that seemed very much like a sniff of disapproval.  KP then proved that turkeys’ can indeed not fly and hurt her leg in the bargain.  I also learnt that  zombie finds the sound of steel on bone quite pleasing as she did a number on my ankle. Its fine now, thank you for the concern.

Then the walk happened. We came across Jane the dead turtles’ body( no diaries were found by the way) and Hari buried her and wrote an epitaph for her. I suggested, ” here lies Jane. Playin (plain) no more.” but Hari went with,” may she rest in pieces” and stuck a stick through her head which zombie called a headstone.  Hari then jumped across a dry ditch and his knee gave out. Well it didn’t hurt precisely. It ‘niggled’.

zombie said it was low tide while  each wave was progressively making us wetter. Triton(not Poseidon) seemed to enjoy watching us run about and no amount of pleading, cajoling or threatening helped. Hari then did something which can’t be put up as I maintain a family rating on this blog.

Reached the hatchery around 4 am and wondered why the moon was red. And no I was not looking into a torch. It actually was. 116 hatchlings were released into the ocean and it was quite a sight. Some people clapped. Some slept on the sand.

zombie forced me to listen to ‘yellow’ drat her and the song is still stuck in my head. guru-to-bes’  compositions are something else and I really want guru-to-be to be guru real soon.

KP was silent as usual but guru-to-be unusually so. Hari was fun as usual and I quite enjoyed myself.

Reached home by 6 and slept till 9. Played footer n the evening in IIT ground fter claiming to be Vana Vani school student. We had a manure fans vs the rest match. They came from behind and  ‘drew’ 3(4)-3(2).  Venky scored a brace and Songitski scored 1 and a second goal which was but never will be. His second was ruled offside when we actually weren’t playing with offside and they also scored a goal ‘through’ the post. And don’t you know? its a foul to touch the ball with your tummy. You give away penalties that way… Always honoured to play with them.

Had math test the next day, so promptly went to bed. Consequently missed Liverpool – Villa and made the test a duck hunt. I swear I saw a dog jump up and giggle each time I answered a question wrong. Its all good though.

Manure lost to Fulham. Nothing weird about that. Ronaldo threw a tantrum like a little girl and didn’t get smacked. Nothing weird about that either. Arsenal 3-1. It was almost normal. Almost.

A Beautiful Appendix

Doing something because you’re supposed to

not because you want to

but because you know its right.

Come on feel good tonight.

Your a princess in this fairy world

I am so nice and I am so sweet

I am so cute I am such a treat.

My world is blOO I care for all

was that an sms or a missed call?

saying what you hear

not hearing what you say

hearing what you want to

how did you ever get this way

keep it breezy keep it cool

keep dreaming everyone else is a fool

talk when you want to

leave when you feel

oh grow up

I was never for real….

This is not where I want to be

can’t you see you’re breaking me

there’s no place where I belong

seems so right that it seems so wrong

can’t go back and can’t go through

can’t keep trying can’t give in to you.

I didn’t sit and I didn’t mope

I didn’t cry and I didn’t hope

The fun is gone the smile is lost

my wishes WERE horses

and they trampled as they went past.

Real Efficacy

He watches the world as it  walks on by

in his classroom under the sky

its warm and he’s cold

he’s young but feels old

pity that the truth is a lie.

Empty faces and empty words

no new thoughts left unheard

shallow people calling it a shallow world

nothing caught means nothing hurled.

The wise know wisdom is such a bitch

come throw the punch, man you wish

you tell her the reasons, you tell her she’s wrong

No! tell her we need her, tell her be strong.

Pretty pretension

deluded conviction

moral highground

oh do please take a look around

social amendment

give me back my smile

you lie

give me back my smile.

sorry if the post was extremely contextual. Couldn’t be helped.

If you are thinking this wasn’t that good, well you kinda missed the point anyway.

Hello world!

“Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!”

This was there automatically. So I pondered as to whether I wanted to delete this or not. Needless to say I decided to modify it.

Hello World. This is Harish Rajagopalan . This is myspace(tm) for doing whatever I want. This will be a record of how I chose to lead my life.

As far as first blog  entries go this one isn’t going to set anything on  fire. But it gets the point across.

As you can see I am just basically typing whatever random thoughts enter my head.

This blog was created as a joke. I will clue you in later.

Watch this space.

-OR-

Bring out the trumpets. Blow hard. Hold tune if possible. What tune you ask? Any, my good man.  IT doesn’t matter.

This had been foretold. The hour had ben marked. The future shall be rewritten.

No man shall wait( No woman or child either for that matter ). The hour is here.

stay tuned as events unfold.

cheers